Episode 149: Overcoming professional disappointment
Summary
This article discusses how to deal with professional disappointment in one's career. The speaker, a surgeon and coach, shares personal experiences and insights on navigating situations where expectations are unmet, work is unappreciated, or processes are biased. Key points include understanding the stages of disappointment, recognizing committee dynamics and biases, managing negative emotions, venting to trusted sources, avoiding victim mentality, focusing on the present moment, re-evaluating priorities and relationships, and finding renewed motivation. The speaker emphasizes the importance of processing pain healthily, letting go of what cannot be controlled, and remembering one's purpose.
Chapters
Introduction
The speaker introduces the topic of dealing with professional disappointment, acknowledging that everyone will face such situations in their career. As a surgeon and coach, the speaker aims to share insights and techniques for processing disappointment based on personal experiences.
Understanding Professional Disappointment
Professional disappointment often stems from unmet expectations, such as feeling underappreciated, mistrusted, or subjected to unfair processes. It can lead to stages like feeling stunned, frustrated, and even betrayed, especially when excluded from discussions or facing biases.
Challenges with Committees
Committees can be breeding grounds for biases, confirmation bias, stereotypes, group dynamics, emotional manipulation, and outdated thinking. Information can be framed in a way that poisons the well, and it's rare for everyone to review all details, leading to potential rubber-stamping.
Responding to Disappointment
When facing disappointment, one can choose to accept the outcome and process the pain or try to fight it. Gathering allies and explaining the situation can backfire if it involves too much commitment from others. Bringing in outside authorities or lawyers may also escalate the situation.
Avoiding Victim and Villain Mentality
It's important to avoid falling into a victim mentality, as it can lead to a lack of power and create villains who may turn the tables. Effective negotiation techniques involve seeing both sides and finding common ground, which can be difficult when feeling angry or betrayed.
Processing Negative Emotions
The speaker advises letting oneself feel negative emotions like grief, sadness, and betrayal, but not acting on them. Venting to trusted sources can be helpful, but it's important to understand that others may not always hear or support one's situation. Avoiding certain people or relationships may be necessary.
Living in the Present
Dwelling on the past or worrying about the future robs one of the present moment. It's important to focus on what can be controlled in the present and choose the feelings one wants to have, rather than drinking poison and hoping others suffer.
Re-evaluating Priorities and Relationships
Professional disappointment can be an opportunity to re-evaluate priorities, values, and relationships. It may be freeing to realize that others do not owe anything, and one can choose to drop obligations or activities that are not truly meaningful. Building new circles or finding a different job may be necessary.
Finding Renewed Motivation
Situations like these can help identify what is worth fighting for and what aligns with one's values and priorities. Dropping everything and then re-choosing what to pick up can lead to renewed motivation and a focus on what truly matters.
Conclusion
The speaker emphasizes the importance of remembering one's purpose, finding inspiration in those around them, and accepting that there are things in life that cannot be controlled. Professional disappointment can be a valuable lesson in personal growth and evolution.
Action Items
- Understand the stages of professional disappointment, such as feeling stunned, frustrated, and betrayed.
- Recognize the potential biases, group dynamics, and emotional manipulation that can occur in committees.
- Consider venting to trusted sources as a way to express negative emotions, but don't expect them to take action.
- Avoid falling into a victim mentality and creating villains, as it can lead to a lack of power and escalate the situation.
- Focus on the present moment and choose the feelings you want to have, rather than dwelling on the past or worrying about the future.
- Re-evaluate your priorities, values, and relationships, and be willing to drop obligations or activities that are not truly meaningful.
- Identify what is worth fighting for and what aligns with your values and priorities.
- Find renewed motivation by re-choosing what to engage with and what truly matters to you.
- Remember your purpose and find inspiration in those around you, accepting that there are things in life that cannot be controlled.
- Use professional disappointment as an opportunity for personal growth and evolution.
